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01 November 1995
A Christmas Mystery
By Charles MacLean

So, that's how he gets around the whole world in one night.

What does Santa drink? When he's at home with the elves a'nd his reindeer, imagine he doses himself with koshkenkorva . . ." This is the opening line of my article about 'Whisky for Christmas' in the November issue of Decanter. But I think it is a lie. Koshkenkorva is a kind of schnapps made in Lapland - I discovered this from a lady in the Finnish Embassy but it is my belief that Santa favours reindeer urine. This may seem shocking to you, gentle reader. Let me explain.

In the dim past I was told, on good authority, that Samisk shamen [the same are the original Lapp tribes] drank the urine of reindeer which had eaten the hallucinogenic mushroom Amanita muscaria - Fly Agaric; the red and white spotted fungi we fmd in our own autumn woods. Metabolisation removed the toxins from the mushrooms, but their hallucinogenic properties remained in the urine. When shamen went 'on the piss' they meant what they said ...

Certainly, Fly Agaric was well known m the north. It was stuff with which the Viking shock-troops, the bererkrs, worked themselves into fearless frenzy prior to battle. It is believed that the 300 heroes of the Gododdin included it in their banqueting in East Lothian, prior to their ill-fated attempt to challenge the advance of the Northumbrian Angles in about 600AD.

Even more important for my quest was the discovery that Santa's red and white costume derives from the colour of the mushrooms themselves. Seemingly, as we recognise him today, Santa Claus is a 19th century American composite of St Nicholas (4th century Bishop of Myra and patron saint of Aberdeen) and the Nordic KTishkTingle, 'The Christmas Man' who punished naughty children and rewarded good ones, had his workshop at the North Pole, drove a sleigh pulled by reindeer, climbed down chimneys (a reference to entering a snowed-up igloo or hut from above) and wore a red and white costume.

The lady I spoke to at the Finnish Embassy had never heard of Lapps drinking reindeer urine, and she had lived in Lapland for twenty years. For a week I button-holed friends, seeking a source for my perverse information. The story rang bells in the memories of almost everyone I spoke to, but nobody could pin down where they had heard it. One friend, a botanist, wrote to the Institute for Biology and Geology in the University of Tromso.

This is the reply he had from Dr. Nicholas Tyler: "I have consulted Nils Isal Eira, a same reindeer herder and author of a recent book on Samisk reindeer husbandry terminology, concerning this matter. He said he has never heard of Same eating/drinking reindeer urine. He told me that reindeer sometimes approach the LAWO (wigwam) looking for human urine which they eat/drink, presumably for the salts or urea it contains ...

He thought it intrinsically unlikely that there can be a specific Samisk name for the urine of a reindeer which has eaten a particular fungus. "His saying this reminded me of something I read ... to the effect that reindeer eagerly sought out the urine of Shamen who had themselves been nibbling fly agaric, presumably to enjoy the effects of the metabolites contained therein". So we all got it the wrong way round, did we? Rudolph enjoying Santa's pee, not vice versa?

I shall be very grateful for any light that anyone might be able to cast upon this dark matter. Whatever Santa might drink at home, when he is in Scotland he drinks whisky. Don't we all, especially at this time of year. Slainte!

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