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01 January 2001
A Christmas Seance with His Grace The Duke of Gordon
By Peter Clarke

At the risk of being predictable is Heaven like Scotland?

A perceptive question. We have the contours  but it seems to be based more on the Duoro in Portugal, not that we drink port, nor, I confess, whisky. It is just endless ambrosia.

Do you keep your title in Elysium?

A few buddies know I was a Duke but you are known by your earthly deeds so we have rank in Heaven but it bares no relation to wealth or status amongst  mortal flesh.

You are remembered here as the man who passed the Act of Parliament, almost two hundred years ago, outlawing the small stills that used to generate all our whiskies. How is that balanced in the Scales of Eternal Justice?

Two hundred years? It seems like thousands. It gets mixed marks. If I'm frank my Bill was a clever piece of legislation  designed to help my fellow land owners. We put all the individual tenant farmers out of the whisky business for good. When Sir Walter Scott wrote his famous Tory pamphlet.Their Wee Bit Still and Glen. we thought the Whigs would vote against us.

Although my motives were entirely greedy I can claim to have created modern commercial whisky making. Distilling expertise is all very well but you need the regulations  to limit the sources of supply. I created a universally acclaimed drink. I deserve credit even if it was an accident.

What  did you think was your main contribution in life?

I thought  my tireless work to link Inverness to Aberdeen via Elgin by my new railway was my achievement  and remember  it was this that allowed Scottish salmon and whisky to reach the London markets.

Do you enjoy an enhanced wisdom in the company of the angels?

No, we carry all our follies and vanities. It is just we cannot  harm anyone.

Lord Keynes once said his only  regret  in life was he  didn.t  drink  more champagne...

The scoundrel. That is my line but it should be whisky..."

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