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22 February 2007
Everything anyone could possibly want to know about Society whisky
By Charles MacLean

TOPIC 1: legs

For this trick you need a glass with a "bowl". Not a dumb "whisky tumbler" - such as those commonly used in posh establishment - a glass which allows the whisky to "speak to you".

If you haven't yet ordered a set of at least six of the Society's (perfect) glasses, do so now. Make sure your neighbour at the table has a similar glass otherwise he/she won't understand what you're talking about. Although, in my experience, if the neighbour is drinking an "ignoble" spirit or wine, and if she/he is worth talking to, this can be turned to your advantage: you can lean close to examine what I am about to describe....

Swirl the spirit in the glass. Wait. Wait some more. Watch the spirit as it trickles down the sides of the glass. These are the 'legs', sometimes called 'tears' or 'church windows'.

The conversation might then open like this:

"Do you want to see my legs?" or "Are your legs as good as mine?" or
(reflectively), "Mmm. Nice legs?"

Having thus won your neighbour's attention, the conversation continues: "Do you know, you can learn a lot about the "texture" of a malt by considering its legs?"

"Oh really. How fascinating... . What's 'texture'?"

"The feel of the whisky on the palate. Its viscosity, creaminess. The physical sensation, apart from taste".

"Well, I never...?

"Yes. Look: these legs are quite thick, and are running slowly. This tells us that the whisky will have a thick, mouth-filling feel. If they were skinny and running fast, the opposite would be the case: a light texture."

"You are the most fascinating person I have ever met. Shall we leave now and go clubbing?"

It never fails...

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